I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
