Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
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