I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
