What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
