I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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