I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
