I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize