just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
