I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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