She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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