Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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