How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
