I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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