guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
