Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
