lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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