I'm really into asian looking animals
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
