guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
