wat bout pragnant strippers??
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
