Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
