New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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