AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
