Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
