so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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