I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You are a genius and a whore.
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