Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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