??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
