i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
