my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
