I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
