I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
