Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
