Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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