remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers