omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize