My nipple is on Facebook.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.