I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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