Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
