she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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