Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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