I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
