I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
