why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
