see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
