thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
