I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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