i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
