I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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