I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
