We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
