You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
