Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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