I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
