So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
