i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
