Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
