allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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