so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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