you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
