last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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