Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
