I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
how does that bad decision feel?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
