I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
