i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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