Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
