Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
