I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
