Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
