Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
