I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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