just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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