i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
